What’s Inside:

It’s the 700^th Action Comics spectacular! In this issue, Pete Ross and Lana Lang get hitched, and that wily Lois Lane exposes Lex Luthor Jr as being the original Lex Luthor in a clone body! Luthor is up to his no good deeds, so Supes and Superboy head to his yacht to toss him around a bit.

 Luthor, however, threatens to pull a trigger which would blow all of Metropolis to hell using supersonic missiles or something.

Supes appeals to Luthor, convincing him to not kill the shit out of everybody, but suddenly Luthor’s disillusioned assistant decides to pull the trigger instead. The missiles launch. Superman flies away to stop them, but he is unable to save the Daily Planet and Lexcorp.

The day is saved by a demon in disguise who stops the rest of the missiles because he has his own agenda and doesn’t want Metropolis destroyed. No, seriously.

Writer: Roger Stern

Artists: Jackson Guice, Curt Swan

Publisher: DC

Why I Kept This Issue:

Everyone remembers long-haired Superman. I loved long-haired Superman! Truth be told, I kept this issue for so long because for a very long time I suffered a serious lack of Superman comics. At the time of acquiring this ish, I had tons of X-Men and Spider-Man comics, just a dash of Batman, and but a few Superman.

It is an oddball issue in my collection, since it just sort of sits alone with no issues from the same period to keep it company. Most of my Superman collection is from early 2000s and “New 52”. Upon getting this one autographed, I will keep it forever, of course.

Also, I stole this comic…totally stole it…sort of…

Attached Memory:

When I was a kid, I had a friend named Nicholas. We played “doctor” once. Anyway, Nicholas had a Super Nintendo at the time and I didn’t, so I always wanted to go to his house and play. I didn’t want to play with him, I wanted to play with his SNES, so I was basically using him for a video game. I should feel bad about it, but what can I say, kids can be assholes.

One day, I manipulated him on the phone into inviting me over so I could play Street Fighter 2 (okay, maybe I was more of an asshole than some kids). When I got to his house, he started showing me all the new comics he had received for his birthday. He wanted to show them off to me, one by one, but I didn’t have time for that dammnit, and I urged him to take me to the TV room so we could play video games. He acquiesced to my insistence, and handed me the above copy of Action Comics #700 because it was awesome and he really wanted me to read it. He offered to let me borrow it so that we could talk about it next time I came over.

“Fine, fine, fine, let’s just play Street Fighter!” I said, putting the comic in my bag.

This was the day, however, that his mother caught on to what I was doing. She had recognized my gold-digging sometime before, but now she decided to say something about it. She told us that we were not to play Super Nintendo today. We had to go outside and do something. Under no circumstances would she let us play video games.

My plans were shattered. I went outside, visibly reluctant, and I kept the visit very short. After I got home, Nicholas’ mom called my mom and explained to her that I was a whore, and that I was no longer invited to their home.

But I still had the comic.

I still have the comic.

I should feel really, really bad about it, but I forgive myself for being a selfish brat back in ’94. After all, we all have immature moments that we learn to overcome. And Nicholas, if you’re out there…IT’S MINE NOW, SUCKER, AND IT LIKES ME BETTER ANYWAY, NYA NYA!

Condition of My Copy: Autographed by Roger Stern!

P.S.- If you want more, better, and enjoyably scrutinized Superman issues from this era, then check out superman86to99, a blog by a most clever writer which examines Supes comics from the ‘90s! (In fact, I can’t wait for him to get to this issue, so I can see him pick apart. And maybe I can encourage him to do his own “Nostalgia Watch” on it…) http://superman86to99.tumblr.com/

See Also: Superman #123 for one of the few other Superman comics in my collection from this era, and see X-Men: Alpha for another memory of me being an asshole.